My friend and neighbor Jeff and I went for a quick walk down to City Park Lake, as the clouds were pink in a lovely renaissance painting kind of way...
On the way back, however, something happened that neither of us could have predicted: Uncle Vlad (dun dun dun [scary movie tones]), my OTHER next-door neighbor, who is ACTUALLY a 73 year-old man named John, was standing by the mailboxes. We both tried to sneak past him, but he called out to us.
"Hey, were you guys ignoring me or WHAT! You didn't even stop to say, 'Hi'."
We both profusely apologized for not seeing him (haha), and I scuttled back off to my apartment with the excuse that I had to work on a "paper" of some dubious and unspecified nature. Jeff, it turns out, was not so lucky. I was working on a job application when I received a few text messages from my friend:
Jeff: "I didn't escape. Any chance you need me for something that can't wait, in under an hour at most?"
I glanced at the text, replied with, "LOL!!! No problemo, dude! :)" but didn't really understand its implications at all until he replied:
Jeff: "Please please don't forget. He has cat pictures everywhere!!!"
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It was then that I realized the dire situation he was in. He was stuck in Uncle Vlad's APARTMENT, where the old Russian dude was probably forcing vodka down his throat with a gas-syphoning tube and forcing him to look at "Lolcats" or something equally horrifying.
I RAN over to Vlad's apartment, stuck my head in, and said, "HEY JEFF!!! Are you going to... ((quick, think of something!)) ...Help me hang my curtains, or WHAT?!?"
Okay, yeah. That was a totally STUPID excuse. Jeff had eyes as big as saucers, though, which made me feel kinda like "Wonder Woman", minus the 80's hairdo. We both got out alive, which is saying something... but it wasn't until later that Jeff told me about his "trophy":
Jeff: He layed out all of these WEIRD things on his kitchen stove that he had apparently been PLANNING to give me. There was a cat calender with 2 months left, a box of "Stove Top" stuffing, and a can of condensed milk. Eventually, he decided to give me the can of condensed milk. WTF?!?
Me: Yaaaahahahaha!!!
Jeff: IT'S NOT FUNNY!!! What does he expect me to DO with this?!? Why me?!?! AAAAAAHHHH!!!
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I couldn't resist taking a picture of myself with said trophy of Jeff's few hours in a kitten-themed, Russian labor camp, where he was forced to listen to Uncle Vlad's creepy poetry.
I mean, this has to count as SOME type of "medal of bravery", or something... Right?!?
I just couldn't stop laughing... Jeff kept saying, "IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" which, naturally, made me laugh more... ;)
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