Dr. Sparklepants #1:

From Monty Python's "Life of Brian", as accessed from "Three Excerpts from Monty Python's Life of Brian"
http://www.westmont.edu/~fisk/Articles/MontyPython.htm
on 9/23/2011 at 5:21pm


FALSE PROPHET: ...And, a nine-bladed sword, which he shall strike...

BLOOD & THUNDER PROPHET: ...Time when we all come together, and go...

PROPHET IN WHITE: ...And holes for the...

PROPHET IN BLACK: ...Jumbo jets...

PROPHET IN WHITE: ...every bitch how you got germs from...

PROPHET IN BLACK: ...fly up near the...

BRIAN: Don't you, eh, pass judgment on other people, or you might get judged yourself.

COLIN: What?



BRIAN: I said, 'Don't pass judgment on other people, or else you might get judged, too.'

COLIN: Who, me?

BRIAN: Yes.

COLIN: Oh. Ooh. Thank you very much.

BRIAN: Well, not just you. All of you.

DENNIS: That's a nice gourd.

BRIAN: What?

DENNIS: How much do you want for the gourd?

BRIAN: I don't. You can have it.

DENNIS: Have it?

BRIAN: Yes. Consider the lilies...

DENNIS: Eh, d-- d-- don't you want to haggle?

BRIAN: No. ...in the field.

DENNIS: What's wrong with it, then?

BRIAN: Nothing. Take it.

ELSIE: Consider the lilies?

BRIAN: Uh, well, the birds, then.

EDDIE: What birds?

BRIAN: Any birds.

EDDIE: Why?

BRIAN: Well, have they got jobs?

ARTHUR: Who?

BRIAN: The birds.

EDDIE: Have the birds got jobs?!

FRANK: What's the matter with him?

ARTHUR: He says the birds are scrounging.

BRIAN: Oh, uhh, no, the point is the birds. They do all right. Don't they?

FRANK: Well, good luck to 'em.

EDDIE: Yeah. They're very pretty.

BRIAN: Okay, and you're much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?

EDDIE: I'm worrying about what you have got against birds.

BRIAN: I haven't got anything against the birds. Consider the lilies.

ARTHUR: He's having a go at the flowers now.

EDDIE: Oh, give the flowers a chance.

DENNIS: I'll give you one for it.

BRIAN: It's yours.

DENNIS: Two, then.

BRIAN: Ohh. Look. There was this man, and he had two servants.

ARTHUR: What were they called?

BRIAN: What?

ARTHUR: What were their names?

BRIAN: I don't know. And he gave them some talents.

EDDIE: You don't know?!

BRIAN: Well, it doesn't matter!

ARTHUR: He doesn't know what they were called!

BRIAN: Oh, they were called 'Simon' and 'Adrian'. Now--

ARTHUR: Oh! You said you didn't know!

BRIAN: It really doesn't matter. The point is there were these two servants--

ARTHUR: He's making it up as he goes along.

BRIAN: No, I'm not! ...And he gave them some ta-- Wait a minute. Were there three?

ARTHUR: Ohh.

EDDIE: Oh, he's terrible!

ARTHUR: He's terrible.

BRIAN: There were three.

ARTHUR: Thpppt!

BRIAN: They were-- they were st-- stewards, really.

ELSIE: Aww, get off!

BRIAN: Ooh! Eh, uh, b-- b-- now-- now hear this! Blessed are they...

DENNIS: Three.

BRIAN: ...who convert their neighbour's ox, for they shall inhibit their girth,...

MAN: Rubbish!