Me 20:

Okay, last post before I go. I'm trying to round up all of my belongings neatly, and am putting everything that I KNOW the behavioral center will want to inventory into big and little ziplocks, and writing my name on it in permanent marker. It's SO funny; Having BEEN in one of these places before, I know how to make their lives SO much easier! ;)

SO. Anyway. I can't find my favorite pack of ciggies, my pack of ULTRA-LIGHT menthol Marlboros, Skyline 100's, and I miss it like I miss a friend right now. I think I probably put it down by accident in one of the millions of planters in my parent's "Garden of Eden" backyard. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I was sub-consciously trying to plant a cigarette tree. Which would be AWESOME, because these little buggers are expensive!

...

Okay, sorry, I just found the most AWESOME video from "Random Thought Productions". GAHHHH!!! More dudes and chica(s) that I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH!!! As if I needed ANY MORE of those! ;) This video looks hilarious, but I don't have time to watch it right now. Watch it for me and let me know what you think? :)

Me 19:

AHHHHH!!!! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!! MY LIFE IS IMITATING ART!!! AGAIN!!! AHHHHHH!?!?! ART SCARES ME, BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!!! AND I AM SCARED OF THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

;D ;D ;D Megan, that was for YOU. ;) You fucking talented, awesome girl, you... you... Hehe.

Dr. Sparklepants G. McGee: Sarcastic much, dearie? You've gotta tone it down or else your public won't pick up on it... Hehe. Funny, that, though.

Acorn 6:

I am my own, PERFECT Freudian psychologist. Which is GREAT, because people letting me get to the right answer on my OWN is the ONLY WAY I'm ever able to REALLY learn anything! :)

Dr. Sparklepants Glitter McGee: Yay!!! I think this is what we would call an ACT BREAK; a BREAKTHROUGH!

Me: Shut up, you

Oh, well, maybe not... ;)

P.S. Cord Brundage, you f-ing rock at teaching me things this way. In school AND IN LIFE!!! :D And if I CAN'T learn it on my own? We always manage to think up some really clever, awesome, dirty mneumonics! ;D

Eve 4:

Eve: God, I think what has us exhausted is that we've both been working so hard on "creationism". Haha!

God: Eve, my dear, I think you're SPOT ON. Let's sit down, drink a beer, and watch a movie tonight.

Eve: Well, I'd love to, but I sort of had to find a cave and lock MYSELF up in it, away from all of the CRAZY PEOPLE you SUDDENLY released into the world...

God: Oh. Yeah. Whoops, sorry about that... those suckers have a way of getting REALLY out of control sometimes!

;)

Eve 3:

Eve 2:
Eve: I SAW God breathe LIFE into Man AND WoMan today, and then ran to him with open arms... but adam simply pushed me away. He said he was holding out for Lilith. But the truth IS, adam, that Lilith IS actually a "snakey little bitch"... Hope YOU don't get burned on THIS one. I think I'll just hold out for God, for now.

God: I'm sorry, Eve. I didn't mean to make him such a jerk. I mean, he's BEING a jerk, right now... I feel bad that this was the day when I intended for the two of you to FIRST MEET, and fall in love. I think I just built up the idea of Adam in your head too much, darling... And to be quite honest, in case you haven't noticed, I CAN'T CONTROL MY CREATIONS!!!

...

God: And Lilith, I'm actually sorry for you, too. I didn't MEAN to make you a "snakey little bitch", but I did. On accident.

Acorn 5:

Dear Dark Spider-Man.
Yeah. We are on the same page... now. :)

...

Wow. I really AM an over-acheiver, aren't I? :D

Acorn 4:

My little sister, Laura, for some reason, is now talking about "Paying it Forward" in a NEGATIVE way. Do you see how I'm managing to do the opposite? :)

I'll bet you guys can literally see the thoughts "blowing" across my brain... ;) LOL!

Acorn 3:

I feel like I'm living the movie "Miracle on 34th Street." The original edition, seriously dudes. Please.

Mr. Daley: "Maybe he's just a little crazy. Like artists, or composers... or some of those men in Washinton."

Nope. He's REALLY SANTA CLAUSE. Which is terribly appropriate, as I lost my innosence when I stoped believing in Santa Clause. At age 7, people. ;) But guess what? Santa Clause is alive and well... in ME! :) I can't wait to give you all the gift of my friendship!

Me 18:

My friend Lindsay just asked me why I'm going back to the Hospital. My reply?

"I need a crazy-peoplectomy."

Me 17:

There. Situation with Nusharin remedied. It turns out I just COMPLETELY underestimated her, and how AWESOME she is. LOL... I wonder what THIS situation reminds people of? Hmmmm. ;) Life imitating life? LOL!

Me 16:

Oh, and Johnathan On-A-Bike? If that is your real name. ;) I'm sorry we didn't get to drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, eat croissants, and look at some of my beautiful old children's books. That was the one thing I ACTUALLY wanted to do today, and other people actually DID take that away from me. Sorry, dude. Come visit me after I lock myself up in the loony bin? :)

Me 15:

God Damn it, now I HAVE a FUCKING "STALKER". Now, where's Bender the robot from "Futurama"?!?

"And THAT, my friends, is I-RONY."

The DIFFERENCE here is that I will CUT HER SOME SLACK, since I KNOW IN MY HEART that she's a NICE GIRL, not a BAD PERSON, and that over-enthusiasm happens to ALL OF US SOMETIMES. AND, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE US "REAL-LIFE" STALKERS. Despite what some people with overly-inflated egos might think. :) Deflate that head a TON, Dark Spider-Man. You're special, but NOBODY is THAT special.

And I will handle this situation, because I DO love Nusharin.

Me 14:

And so, now I'm going to lock myself in a mental institution to get away from all of the CRAZY PEOPLE OUT HERE!!!!! ;) Hahaha... I can't not laugh at that one.

Me 13:

Lucky fucking 13 again. I rented "Oh, Brother Where Art Thou?" AND "Sucker-Punch", a movie in which a young girl has to build herself an ALTERNATE REALITY to escape from a MENTAL INSTITUTION into which she was locked, ON ACCIDENT. Ring a freakin' bell?

BUT, I never got to watch EITHER of them fully. And now, I must have my MOTHER return them for me.

Truth 14:

And Dark Spider-Man? I think WE'RE ON THE SAME DAMNED PAGE, NOW, DON'T YOU?!? I'm showing up, LATE AS FUCKING USUAL, but guess what? I BOUGHT you a pineapple. Delicious.

Truth 13:

LUCKY FUCKING NUMBER 13:
My brand-new Thai friend, Nusharin, flew in to VISIT me TODAY (and eventually drive back with me to Fort Collins? I have no fucking clue), when I EXPRESSLY told her to tell me before she bought a ticket, since I have tons of stuff to do (including check myself into a MENTAL institution), and, obviously, CAN'T be held responsible for entertaining her while she's here. I know she KNOWS this, but WHY DIDN'T she DO AS I ASKED?!? I asked SO, so clearly. I think it may be a cultural difference, but that is no excuse. People NEED to give me my space when I ask for it. And so far? NOBODY HERE seems up to that TASK.

"ROCKIN' OUT" 3:

...To "Monkey Wrench". By: The "freakin' sweet[est]" band on the goddamned planet, i.e. The Foo Fighters.

I can't believe I could have seen the Foo Fighters with BILLY-Freakin'-PRAHLL (one of my AWESOME, awesome ex-friends), and chose to see the stupid Black Eyed Peas on that same night, instead. Stupid me.

Anyway, these lyrics are playing over and over in my awesome, AWEsome brain:

"ONE LAST THING BEFORE I QUIT I NEVER WANTED ANY MORE THAN I COULD FIT INTO MY HEAD I STILL REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAID AND ALL THE SHIT THAT SOMEHOW CAME ALONG WITH IT!!! STILL, THERE'S ONE THING THAT COMFORTS ME, SINCE I WAS ALWAYS CAGED AND NOW I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" David Grohl, you quite literally ROCK MY WORLD.

Acorn 2. A BIG FUCKING ACORN, THIS:

Dave: I've been thinking about it, and I just want to say, "I'm sorry". You were completely and totally right. I just wasn't hearing what you had to say. But I went and though about it. And now, I am [even] abjectly sorry about it.

Me: How about "objectively" instead of "abjectly"? That would work for me. Thanks, Dave. I really, really do appreciate your honesty. And yes, I knew I was right.

Dave: Me too. It just took me awhile to get there.

Eve 2:

Eve: I know that today was supposed to be our day of rest, but I got so busy running around like a "CHICKEN" with my head cut off (those things are delicious, by the way), running and splashing through the rivers you gave me, playing with all of the animals, oh, and eating others of them... WOW, God. I can't believe how amazing this place is! And I haven't even MET Adam, whom you breathed life into today, for Me. And you breathed life into ME today, GOD! I feel alive again. For the first time. I just didn't KNOW that I wasn't alive until today, when I became it!

God: Eve, I'm so glad you're happy. This was all for you, you know. I worked so hard to make you happy, and I see that you are.

Eve: So, God, where IS this guy you made especially for me?

God: Um, I'm not sure.

Eve: Hey, where's Lilith? I haven't seen her in awhile...

God: Um, I don't know... yeah.

Dear Dark Spider-Man:

Transmission INTERRUPTED; From Dark Spider-GIRL to Dark Spider-MAN:

I'M SORRY. NOW...! ARE YOU SORRY? OVER AND OUT. "SIGNING" OFF.

Truth 12:

I just burned myself on the toaster oven trying to cook those pasties, and I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE, not until I took a fucking PICTURE of my GODDAMNED HANDS. And then I said, "Ouch. That hurts". NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! And see now, this is why I must check myself back into Sacred Heart's Psych Facility. For no-FUCKING-good reason. That I can SEE, right now... Because I am hurting MYSELF over YOU.

AND OVER MY FAMILY, WHO LOVES ME, AS WELL. And they, unlike you, are actively HURTING ME, TOO. I'D SAY IT'S ABOUT 50/50 AT THE MOMENT. You like those odds, Spider-man? I sure don't.

"ROCKIN' OUT!" 3:

The PERFECT SONG for RIGHT NOW?!? This:

Rod Stewart's "Maggie May". It is an utter and complete "Mrs. Robinson" situation, JUST LIKE THIS ONE. UNLIKE the proverbial Mrs. Robinson, HOWEVER, I am actually his same age, and am yet FORCED to try and teach him something about THE WORLD (and which he DOES NOT KNOW DESPITE HOW SMUGLY INTELLIGENT HE THINKS HIMSLEF TO BE), and am NOT NOT NOT trying to teach him about ME at all, in fact, and yet he insists upon taking my daughter on a DATE TO A TITTY BAR instead of being a GODDAMNED MAN about the situation. So THERE.

Truth 11:

And now, with that, I'm going to go very, very neatly and precicely pack my bags, take some photos, and then check myself BACK into the SAME behavioral health center I left yesterday, after receiving confirmation of my WORST FEARS: I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY.

So that I can remove MYSELF from THIS SITUATION, Spider-Man. You never did say you were sorry for calling me a fucking STALKER. Ya JACKASS. ("Billy Madison"-style)

Truth 10:

A HUGE part of me right now wants to say this:
"FUCK YOU for making me WRITE THIS HERE and taking away EVERY ABILITY I HAD to tell it to YOU, INSTEAD. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?!?! IT DOESN'T BELONG HERE. It belongs with YOU, like my Ouija board, like my stuipid-ass heart. Which doesn't seem to be worth much to you, either... perhaps it's worth even less to you than it is to me right now. I believe this to be true.

I hold these truths to be self-evident.
"SELF. EVIDENT."

Truth 9:

I wonder if Dark-Spider man is going to eat this shit for BREAKFAST, and then want it AGAIN, come dinnertime... Too bad, this is a once-in-a-lifetime shot for you, dude. I'm in town for ONE DAY ONLY, for REAL this time! And guess what? Unlike ALL of the other times you and I have EVER hung out, I am NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE MAKING AN EFFORT, HERE!!! But guess what else? I'M NOT GOING TO "CALL" YOU OUT, as I have ALWAYS DONE FOR YOU and you have NEVER, EVER DONE FOR ME. Not unless I say something first. Do you think I EVER would have stayed up until the sun rose with ANYONE else other than YOU? Singing Bush's "COMEDOWN" or channeling Ben Fold's undead spirit using MY Ouija board, which is STILL IN YOUR POSESSION, because I said, cheekily, "I want you to keep it. I trust you with it."? THAT, my friend, is the only bit of asshole you have in you, but it seems to be a considerable piece of you RIGHT NOW.

At the very least, when it comes to TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US.

Acorn 1:

A YouTube video for you all that will better explain this situation than I, yours truly, will ever, EVER have the ability to explain it. And, it's Monty Python. So HERE YOU GO:

The video is entitled, "French Taunting: Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

Truth 8:

I was smoking Marlboro "Skyline 100's", but ran out, and now there are no more. Which is sad, because we are breathing some RARE AIR here, you and I.

And now, instead, I have to smoke all of my less-favorite brands, that I have just WAITING around in my purse waiting to be smoked. By me.

Truth 7:

My glass of "Carnation Instant Breakfast" is definitely half-full right now. :(

But there is one thing you CAN'T (and I, too, know that you WON'T) take from me, Spider-Man: MY HAPPINESS. NOBODY, not even you, can or WILL take that away from me. I have worked too God-Damned hard at it to let ANYONE take that away from me. You owe me an apology, too, dude.

I showed you mine, now YOU show me YOURS.

Truth 6:

Part of me knows that I'm not even suffering right now as much as I could and maybe should be, for what I've done. But that part is mostly sleeping at this moment. Asleep at the wheel.

Me 12:

I keep dropping change onto the deck, and it rolls away from me and through the cracks before I can even turn around and pick it up again.

I also keep finding empty cigarette packs, hoping that they're not empty, and then opening them to find that there is NOTHING INSIDE.

Me 11:

Do you see these cables, Spider-man? Similar to your web, eh? But DON'T YOU SEE?!? They are COMPLETELY SEPARATE, and yet INTERTWINED. Each can function PERFECTLY WELL on its own, and yet, as these are R&W RCA cables and a gold-plated AUDIO CABLE, they work much better AS A TEAM. And so I twined them together, knowing that I won't use one without the other. At this point, if we don't speak, the only thing I can promise you of is this: I SWEAR never to put myself beyond YOUR "REACH".

P.S. I'm using these cables to document this experience for you. On video. Should you EVER choose to see it for what it is instead of what it is not.

Me 10:

What would Uma Thurman eat?
Why, 2 german pasties and 2 Chili Lime Burgers. Because she has the feeling it is going to be a LONG day, and that she will have to fight all 88 of "The Crazy 88s".

Truth 5:

Dear Dark Spider-Man,
You said it "Doesn't matter [WHY] the harassment happened; it happened". And to you I say, it DOES matter. In fact, that's the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN THIS SITUATION. So I'm sorry, but you are wrong on this one. Despite your big, "sexy brain".

In this situation we are less like Dark Spider-man and Mary Jane, or Dark Spider-man and Dark Spider-girl, but more like Spider Man and Natalie Portman's breathtakingly beautiful, yet psychotic "Black Swan". Except I'm NOT crazy. At all. And I have CLINICAL proof. So that makes you...? What, dude? I don't know...

These two images, these two sides of the SAME coin, are just "spliced" together, SIDE BY SIDE. Which one do you see as "the truth"?

"ROCKIN' OUT!" 2:

The PERFECT song for right now:

"Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin, from the album, "A Few Small Repairs":



AWEsome. I've never seen the video until now, watching it on my own website.

Truth 4:

Here are some pictures from earlier today, before I got mad. FOR REAL, this time. Still want to say I'm having a "manic episode", Mom? Go ahead. I dare you. "Make my day."

Why do I feel like I am literally living an epic tale? My life is so similar to "The Odyssey", as told by Homer, except to me (naturally), it seems to be nothing more nor less than an "Oddyssey"... Boo. But anyway, STUCK BETWEEN SCYLLA (a rock) and CHARYBDIS (a "hard place") MUCH?!?!? Thanks family, for being most of the contributing factors that explain why I'm HERE right now. I see how much you've been trying to give me, but in YOUR way, NOT MINE. And no, Laura, I will not take another gigantic bite of food, "Like a COCK DOWN YOUR THROAT. EAT IT!!!" Because GUESS WHAT, LAURA?!? WHO HATES COCKS DOWN THE THROAT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE?!? THIS GIRL!!!

So, no, Laura. No more cocks are EVER going to be shoved down this girl's throat.

Me 9:

And so. If anyone would like to speak with me before I go check myself into a center I DON'T need to escape from my terrifying yet well-meaning family, please call now, before I go back in, or FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!

;)

Me 8:

Okay, after some "Carnation Instant"-FUCKING-"Breakfast and some raw Mexican "pepitas" (Spanish for "pumpkin seeds") from Trader Joes, I am ready to face some more of this SHITTY music. Thank GOD for the NON-shitty music I can play for myself.

Incidentally [or not], I grabbed a pack of "instant" breakfast out of the package, and poured it into a glass, only to notice INSTANTLY that it was vanilla flavored, and not chocolate, as I had assumed the whole pack to be. Tasting it, it reminded me of my SNACK PAC OF TRIUMPH from yesterday, of which I had been craving another. Yesterday, I wanted a chocolate "Snack Pac", but the center only had vanilla. Today, I WANT PLAIN VANILLA life, but the world keeps trying to SHOVE chocolate down my throat. So, this instant breakfast shake? "Curiouser and curiouser."

So, am I going DOWN the rabbit hole, or coming OUT of it? Sources say: out. But everyone here is HELL-BENT on staying down in that damned hole... that THEY dug themselves into.

Me 7:

If my FAMILY is right in this situation, and I am WRONG (and I am PLANNING right now to be wrong, because I really need to get away from these people right now), then I will check myself BACK into Sacred Heart Medical Center's AWESOME psychiatric facility so I can be fed awesome meals, write WHENEVER I want without fear of offending and/or upsetting someone CONSTANTLY with my constant inattention, and get a decent night's sleep under the care of a COMPETENT psychiatrist. And THAT, Mother, you are not, despite the "Merck Family Medical Handbook" tucked under your arm constantly as you speculate on why I have so many taba open in my browser. IT'S BECAUSE I'M WRITING A FLIPPIN' BLOG HERE, MOM. NOT because I have MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES or some such other utter nonsense.

And so, if I am wrong, and about this I am am PLANNING to be wrong, then I check myself back into a psychiatric facility, and then LATER we can all laugh about it, over a beer that I WILL BUY YOU. :)

If I'M right, and my FAMILY is wrong, and I AM completely sane and my only problem is the completely toxic love my family is trying to shove down my throat, then ALL of THEM owe me an apology. A gigantic apology.

Truth 3:

What would Uma Thurman cook herself in this situation? Well, a Chili-Lime Burger from "Trader Joe's", of course. :)

Even though IT IS GOING TO TAKE A FEW HOURS!!! Because it has to THAW OUT FIRST!!!

Me 6:

Okay, now it's time to pick up some NEW tools, and find a way to get myself our of YET ANOTHER SHITTY SITUATION. Things here at home are so dysfunctional that my FUNCTIONING brain can't handle it anymore. No more battle without honor.

Every single person (well, except one) here in my life HERE IN EUGENE seems to expect so much from me, without cutting me ANY SLACK AT ALL. I'm sorry, people, YOU are all going to have to wait for ME to sort out my thoughts before I give you all ANYTHING... MORE! I am so SICK to death of breaking promises to myself. It MAKES me sick; It makes me ill. :|

Me 5:

Dave just MADE me agree to postpone MY TATTOO another day. I feel like I am giving and giving, and NOT being given trust in equal measure. So this, folks, is a woman in defeat.


BUT, there is NO SHAME in her defeat. Not like in the Mumford & Sons song where they say "But I have seen the same/I know the shame in your defeat." This is "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" (my brain wants to say, "Humility"), like in the movie "Kill Bill".



Thanks, SND Tracker. I need someone to track my SOUNDS right now.

Confucius 1:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Confucius.

Confucius say what?

Confucius say: Haste makes waste, Dave.

Me 4:

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back, but I haven't...

Me 3:

Me: What's that sound?

Dave: I think it's a crow in a bad mood.

Corissa: [Makes the sound] I get that. I KNOW that. I am so sick of trying to move mountains with a tiny spade... I think I need a sword.
(Lord of the Rings) "Your hands would know their old strength better, IF they grasped your SWORD."
...
Hey Dave, do you have a sword I can borrow?


Dave: Any time you want. Just a sec...

"ROCKING OUT!" 1:

I am ROCKING OUT to this right now:

Empire Records - The Dirt Clods: "Never Get Enough Of Me"


In my head, I was singing it as, "Seems I never get enough of YOU... It seems I never get enough of you". But for most of you out there, getting enough of ME is just like getting enough of YOU. :)

Theme of the Day 4: Empire Records

Making music your OWN. AND, making music ON your own. It will all come together, in the end. I love, Love, LOVE this movie! Always have, always will. My friend Lea and I discovered it while we were getting her house ready for a SWEET 7th Grade Halloween party (the COOLEST one in town, LOL! Ask me about THAT sometime!), and we watched this movie, like 4 TIMES IN A ROW, and (naturally) memorized every line so that we were SURE to annoy everyone else by the time they got there and watched the movie for the first time. :) Because THAT, my friends, was the MIDDLE SCHOOL WAY OF DOING THINGS! Which is why we were all such sad, pathetic, MISERABLE people, LOL! ;)

The trailer for this AWESOME, EPIC movie:

Me 2:

I just asked Dave to take me down to "Dairy Mart" for some of my favorite packs of ciggies, as I had run out of a shit-ton of them. Mostly from NOT smoking them, but letting them burn, and/or giving them away.
Dairy Mart, by-the-by, is a WONDERFUL Oregon invention... Why doesn't FORT COLLINS have a store where I can run down to the corner and buy some MILK, instead of a gigantic LIQUOR STORE every block?!? Oh, that's right, because OREGON is COOL and COLORADO (sort of) SUCKS, at least most of the time.

Truth 2:

Now, my friend JOSEPH (of Arimathea, as I like to call him ;) Just sent me the following. And he's NOT EVEN READING MY BLOG.

Romans 8:28 NCV (don't know what NCV means, will look it up later perhaps): "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are people he called, because that was his plan."

Awwww, Joe, you prophetic mother-fucker. THIS guy, as I just told him last night, is my Confucious, except that I, TOO, am Confucious, and we are sitting on ADJACENT hilltops screaming the same message in different languages. :)

Truth 1:

I just got a text from 226-787 saying the following:

"CSU EMERGENCY TEXT TEXT: This is a TEST of the CSU emergency text system. For CSU safety information, visit www.safety.colostate.edu. This is only a TEST"

What's great is that they're doing this NOW, before something bad happens, and it's very likely it WILL, as it HAS happened in the past and in all probability WILL happen again. Smart people, you CSU guys, you! ;)

Theme of the Day 3: Confucius

For some background reading, please check out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius

I LOVE wikipedia, for it is of the people, for the people, by the people. It's AMAZING the things PEOPLE (as a whole) know... and know about.

Right now, I feel like Lucas in Empire Records, the "Confucius" of the movie:

"What's WITH you today?"
"What's with TODAY, today?"
"Last night you went to bed sounding normal, and today you sound like the CHINESE GUY from THE KARATE KID!"

;) In this clip, "Warren", a young dude who wants to get to work at Empire Records, doesn't know how to do so, so he STEALS from them instead. But LUCAS IS THERE, no matter WHERE this kid runs, to BLOCK ANY AND ALL AVAILABLE EXITS! ;) Using "mind-bullets" (Thanks, Tenacious D).

Theme of the Day 2: Shawshank Redemption

Chain-smoking cigarettes is like, the ultimate in self-reliance. If someone gives you a light, and if you don't have one, you have to keep it burning for YOURSELF.

Me 1:

I just went out with Dave to buy some packs of smokes. I keep thinking of The Movie "Shawshank Redemption"... fantastic movie. Truly. It is about hope and THEN freedom. In the face of all adversity.

To watch the clip from the movie, which the YouTube user so wisely named "Hope" and then disabled embedding, please use the following web address:

Never mind. There are always ways around things, there is ALWAYS a loophole that is TOTALLY a LEGAL WAY TO DO THINGS. You just have to look for the sliding-glass door in the wall:



"Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free."

Theme of the Day: Neko Case

... Because if any girl does, it's THIS GIRL. ;)

My Two Cents:

The funniest thing happened just now... I left my TWO cents sitting on Dave's seat just now, somehow. I think I'll leave them there... ;)

Sent from my iPhone

Eve 1:

Eve: I'm tired, God. In fact, I am EXHAUSTED from watching creation go on around me!

God: That is why we need this day, Eve, to rest and reflect on what we have made.

GENESIS, Chapter 2: Part 1

1: Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2: And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.
3: So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work which he had done in creation. 4: These are the generations of the heavens and the earth when they were created. In the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens
5: When no plant of the field was yet in the earth and no herb of the field had yet sprung up--for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was no man to till the ground;
6: But a mist went up from the earth and watered the whole face of the ground
7: Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
8: And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

Me 11:

I think that before I can finish this tale, I need some "vox rationis", which I'm pretty sure is latin for "The Voice of Reason". I'm proud that I know enough latin (LOVE IT!) to approximate the meaning for myself. And my voice of reason is also telling me to get some more sleep. So I will. Night night. *) = signing off! :)

Me 10:

Once I got to "Sacred Heart" hospital (nice name, that), I checked myself in, and had both of the receptionists ROLLING in the aisles about the bad things that had happened to me. The second one told me a story about how she had JUST found out that her HUSBAND had accounts on TWO DIFFERENT DATING SITES, and they had been married, like, forever. She said she was about to slap him in the face with divorce papers, and I said, "Give him the boot, sister!" She said she was just about to, and I sang, "These Boots are Made for Walking" by the almost-great Nancy Sinatra, and she laughed. Really nice, AWESOME lady, I think she's reading my blog now. :)

After checking myself in, I went outside for a cigarette, and as soon as I had sat myself down by the window, a very pretty but obviously distressed gal comes running out, and she's on her cell phone saying, "I'm pregnant, I'm PREGNANT, SHIT!!! OH MY GOD!" This was eerie to me, as just a few days ago I was scared SHITLESS by this same possibility... I haven't had a visit from ol' Aunt Helen (The I.T. Crowd) in FOREVER, like three months, but that is just because I was SO, SO stressed, and then lost, like, 15 pounds in 2 weeks due to insomnia. Luckily, I was NOT, and have the pregnancy test to PROVE it. Thank God. That would have added a whole new dimension of horror to this situation. And the baby probably would have turned out like "Rosemary's Baby" or that CREEPY ASS kid from "The Omen" anyway. I'd have to ask the Doctor, "Hey... does this kid have a 666 on his skull? Let's look NOW before he grows any hair! Because I feel like this kid would NEVER let me sneak up on him with a razor while he's sleeping..." ;)

Lisa (for that is her name) had a cigarette, and the moment she got off the phone, I said, "Honey, are you okay? I'm sorry, I heard what you said, and I was just in a similar situation. You look like you only have one cigarette. Do you need more?" I then handed her the two very nicest packs out of my purse automatically, and only thought, "So that's why I have all of these packs of random cigarettes in my purse. So I can comfort am ACTUAL smoker with them in times of trouble." :)

We talked a little bit about her ultimately shitty situation, which included an ex-boyfriend who beat her (people always say emotional abuse is worse, but then, they usually haven't been BEATEN by the one person they should be able to trust). She also said she already HAD a child, and was 40, so she couldn't be having children anymore... it just isn't a good idea, admittedly. I just hugged her over and over and said it would get better, she could be STRONG and GET THROUGH THIS. And, that we should talk, because MANY men ARE IN FACT ASSHOLES. Not all, there are "better ones", but there are still many "divs" (Ricky Gervais's "Guides To...").

Anyway, Lisa and I made plans to hang out. She said that her friends were all terrible influences, and I'd love to be a good influence for her in her time of need. I'm planning to call her tomorrow. :) Poor, strong gal.

Eve 4:

Eve: But today, the entire rest of my being felt like THIS Emiliana Torrini video:



Eve: I just couldn't help it today, looking at girls riding by on bikes and smiling, and they smiled back at me. Talking to so many new people, and they needed to talk to ME...

Me 9:

For some reason, the song "To Be Free" by Emiliana Torrini is playing over and over in my head RIGHT NOW...



Watch this video. The music AND video are utterly beautiful. And sad... She was bitten by a VAMPIRE. It reminds me of how GUTTED I feel by Dark Spider-Man sometimes.

Truth 6:

I had Dave Katagiri (my step-FATHER) take this picture of me before entering the emergency room. Who is the patient and who is the FUTURE doctor? I realized at the moment this picture was taken that I will one day make and EXCELLENT surgeon. For animals, and my friends who need a shot of anisthetic and a few stitches. One of you guys get knifed someday (or "shanked", to use the prison jargon, haha), come and see me and I'll fix you up. :)

I decided then that I may even try to become "Board Certified", which is one of the hardest, most ridiculous things for a vet student to do right out of school. But I AM AN OVERACHEIVER! ;) I am SO good with my hands, as it turns out... I'm teaching myself to become ambidextrous at the mo' simply because I am bored. For FUN. Because THAT will make me a better surgeon, and a more EFFECTIVE person in general, LOL!

Truth 5:

This day was SO epic, I don't even know how to describe it. But here goes...

Eve 3:

Eve: That was such an AWEsome day, God!!! And I haven't even MET Adam yet! I was too busy splashing through your rivers, sitting in the rain, playing with the animals, and hunting down a CHICKEN to eat... Maybe that dude will show up soon.

God: I'm so glad you like this place, Eve. I made it for YOU, you know...

Eve: I don't know how to thank You, God!...Hey, where's Lilith?

God: Ummm... No idea, Eve... Hmm.

Me 8:

Locked myself in the loony bin on purpose, put on the paper clothes and EVERYTHING, convinced them I'm totally sane, and am getting ready to bust myself out again. *Yawn* All in a day's work. BUT, I'm not checking out until they get me some of my anti-anxiety med, seroquel, FOR FREE! Yay! :)

Me 7:

Me: But Dave, do I HAVE to sit on this dog blanket?!?

Dave: Oh. No!!! Hang on, lemme get it...

Me: I already got this. (whips blanket away). Ta dah! Abra-ca-freakin'-dabra. Magic.

Me 6:

My friend Megan just told me to "check [my] email", but sorry Meggo, NO TIME!!! ;)
I suspect it might be a secret, coded message from Dark Spider-Man to the other half of his CRIME-FIGHTING duo, the (occasionally dark) "SPIDER-GIRL"! With apologies for calling her a "STALKER" of LIFE. LOL!

Me: But Spider-Man, I AM a "stalker of life"... BUT, I am also a spider. I will make life come to ME! And then ensnare it in this beautifully-constructed web I'm weaving FOR MYSELF. So maybe you DON'T want to talk to me? I might ensnare YOU! ;) Bwahahahaha... (evil "Doc Oc" laugh)

Me 5:

Look at me, putting on make-up WITHOUT a mirror!!! Because I DON'T NEED ONE to put on make-up. As Descartes said (sorta), "KNOW THYSELF ALREADY!!!"

Me 5:

Putting on makeup WITHOUT a mirror... 'cause I DON'T NEED ONE!

Truth 4:

I have not lost a single one of my posessions today. Or placed it somewhere and forgotten where I put it. And guess what?!? I did that for awhile, but I am so self-aware (see "SKYNET" from the Terminator movies) right now that if I lose something, it is just because I am being LAZY.

I started a small business. BEFORE breakfast. I got my tax ID # and everything. SO. First things first, now I get to HAVE breakfast. Which, incidentally, is a Carnation Instant Breakfast in a GUINESS glass. Is there anything more apropo?

I kept thinking I was ready to have an EPIC day. But I wasn't ready to have a TRUE epic day until TODAY. So lets do this, folks. I'll put my number up here for today only, so that you can CALL me if you've got ANY beef with me at all. I'm drinking my breakfast right now, so I'll be PREPARED to talk with you. (541) 729-3989 = Existential and rhetorical advice service. Be prepared for some "If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?" kind of bullshit. :)

And it is BARELY after lunch! So come get some. "Gimme some sugar, baby." (Bruce Campbell as "Ash" from Evil Dead 1, Evil Dead 2, and ARMY OF DARKNESS!)



"Got [Beef]"? LOL!!! Just like "Got Milk?", but with beef. And incidentally (again), I am DRINKING milk INSIDE my "Carnation Instant Breakfast" TOO. Even more milk than they told me I should add to the thing. Yo.

BREAK!

BREAK. Like football players leaving a huddle, I am going out for a SMOKE BREAK with Dave, because he just texted me FROM DOWNSTAIRS. I've always HATED when people do that, but guess what?!?! It REALLY saves time when I'm in my "Fortress of Solitute" like freakin' SUPER-MAN over here! At my "command center". Where I feel like I could make every capital city fall at the same time with the push of a button, a la "Independence Day" style. ;)

So... BREAK! ((and GUESS WHAT?!? I'm taking my whole "Big Bag of Crazy" purse WITH me, because I don't know which one of the practically 10 boxes of cigarrettes I'm GOING TO WANT ONCE I'M OUTSIDE! GAHHHHH!!! Life is Great!!!

Me 4:

Ahhh.... time to be at my GREATLY DESERVED tattoo appointment. But PEOPLE (other than me and my awesome tattoo artist) KEPT GETTING IN MY WAY!!! So, I will have my tattoo on Thursday, to appease EVERYONE ELSE OTHER THAN MYSELF. But, I will have it. "[It] will be mine. Oh yes, [it] WILL be MINE."

SO, I called "Felix the Tat" this morning, and told him people were trying to keep us apart, so he should KEEP my deposit for the day and design some BEAUTIFUL art for someone else (like happened to me, since someone made a deposit and I GOT ART from theirs)... for me. That guy and I have a SOUL LEVEL CONNECTION here people, even though he is TOTALLY married. I'm going to say this now. I LOVE FELIX THE TAT! He rocks my world. Literally and metaphorically.

Theme for the Day 2:

FOO FIGHTERS!!!!!!

All I want right now it to "attain the unattainable". ;)

My Ode to Fat Dudes:
Yes, you ALL know who you are. ESPECIALLY "The Big Ones". LOL! Why do I like guys that are a teensy bit fat? Because there's more to go around!!! Because they have enough love for you AND everyone else!!! Because they are generally nice people!!! Because they generally know what it's like to be alone, and I know exactally how they feel!!! Because they are like "Teddy Roosevelt Bears", and I still sleep with a stuffed animal "Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear" as a substitute for THE REAL THING!!! And I've had him since I was 2 years old, i.e. since I could TALK!!! LOL!
So... all you guys I'm talking about, COME BE FRIENDS WITH ME!!! AND MAYBE MORE, LOL!!! I am so prepared to put my money where my mouth is on this one... ;)

Me 3:

I LOVE blogger. It gives me a "Dashboard", which is like the cockpit of a JET ENGINE (or my car, Loraine, who is secretly a "Transformer" like Optimus Prime is a Transformer [I am Shirley]). This "Dashboard" allows me just "Dash" things off, and then "Dash" away, move on to something ELSE... on my list of "EPIC THINGS TO DO TODAY"!

The Ultimate, perfect, Perfect, PERFECT song for right now:
Foo Fighters: "NEW WAY HOME"


I'm listening to this on my headphones right now, because my laptop speakers were acting up, and I wanted to make sure it was JUST THE SPEAKERS. And guess what?!?! IT FREAKING WAS JUST THE SPEAKERS!!!!!!! Just like I thought.

I'm not having trouble speaking right now, I'm having trouble BEING HEARD!!!!!

Just as I have always, Always, ALWAYS suspected in my life. :D

Word of the Day 1:

"Beshert"

In case you guys couldn't tell, the word of the day is BESHERT. Because up in this hizzy, THAT IS THE IMPORTANT WORD FOR RIGHT NOW. :D "Be" to the freakin' "shert". Yo.

God 1:

God: But really, creating order out of chaos is NEVER easy. In fact, I'm getting exhausted doing this every flippin' day.

Eve: Yeah, no kidding! I think you really need to take a break, dude... You're looking positively peak-ed.

Truth 3

For a freaking amazing definition of "Beshert", which I JUST found while "trolling" (not "trawling") the internet, please see the site below:

"Torah.org: The Judaism Site"
http://www.torah.org/qanda/seequanda.php?id=317

Matches, even those that are PRE-DESTINED, STILL do not HAVE to come about. In fact, sometimes it may be much better for both individuals if they DO NOT come about... This realization = TOTAL FREEDOM for me to date any and all other people if I have any or every wish to do so.


From "The Torah Knowledge Base":

LifeCycle Events: Marriage and Sexuality: BESHERT:
Is a person's mate really destined (beshert)?

The Talmud (Moed Katan 18b; Sotah 2a) tells us that G-d personally chooses matches for people. A match that G-d has chosen is certainly "destined", even if it does not actually come about (for example, if the couple does not want to be a couple). The idea that matches are destined goes back to Genesis; Rivkah's behavior at the well demonstrated to Eliezer that "this is the woman whom G-d has appointed for my master's son" (Gen. 24:14,44).

In Yiddish, one's destined mate is called a "besherter" or "besherte". In German, "bescheren" sometimes means "to give" or "to bestow"; thus one's given portion is "beschert" (the -er or -e ending indicates that the thing being given is male or female).

The Yiddish meaning of the word may also go beyond the original German meaning. In the Bible the word "ba-asher" (literally "in that") is used several times in phrases that imply destiny; two examples are in Ecclesiastes, "ba-asher hu sof kol ha-adam" (7:2: "as is every man's end") and "ba-asher devar melech shilton" (8:4: "as the King's word rules").

This Hebrew association may have reinforced the Yiddish meaning of "beshert" as "fated" or "destined".

Truth 2:

The Jewish people (inarguably some of the STRONGEST PEOPLE OF ALL TIME) have a saying. When something was meant to be, they say it was "Beshert". Pre-destined, to put it most simply. Well, Dave, this tattoo, along with EVERYTHING else in my life right now, was BE-Freaking-SHERT! So TRUST me on this one, okay?

Truth 1:

To dave katagiri:
You need to be proud of me despite the fact that I'm going to get a tattoo today. I can't be the Venus de Milo (by Bottfor you forever... nor can I be it for myself, when it comes down to it. *"See this pedistal is high, and I'm afraid of heights". I am already marked as different, and I will never be completely and utterly pure again.

So lets take some photos before I brand myself almost like Cain was branded after he killed his brother Abel. And lets choose NOT to talk about my tattoo, as it would only make BOTH of us sad and serve NO PURPOSE WHATSOEVER in regards to swaying me from my decision...

A beautiful Venus/Aphrodite sculpture done by Alexandros of Antioch between 100 and 130 B.C.; BEFORE EVEN THE TIME OF CHRIST. See, these things happening now were written in STONE ITSELF a LONG time ago... She even looks sort of like me. A nice, strong chin on that gal. And look, dave, her hands are tied, too...

Me 2:

God DAMN it, the MyBlogLog site is TOTALLY defunct, and hasnt't been monitored or changed since 2009...

So THAT'S why things are difficult for me. I'm following a REALLY OLD set of instructions! *wink*

Acorn 1:

If any of ya'll want to read the bible CLOSELY for the first time along with me, I recommend this amazing site that God wrought for all of us. Freakin' sweet work, Dude! Thanks man.

http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/

They're's a reason they call it the flippin' "GOOD BOOK", here people. Trying to use it to explain your life = Fun Stuff here, people! :)

Me 1:

Who needs help from http://www.ymblblog.com/?
THIS GIRL! ;)

Oh, and who am I going to BEG for HELP with this BEAST of a blog?!? THIS GIRL! In proper terms, Tilly, the "Resident Community Manger" over at MyBlogLog HQ:

NOW to call and actually beg for her assistance... :)

Eve 1:

Eve: This place you call "THE EARTH", keeps getting BETTER AND BETTER!

God: I KNOW, right?!?

GENESIS: Part 6

24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good.

26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27 So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which [is] upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which [is] the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein [there is] life, [I have given] every green herb for meat: and it was so.

31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, [it was] very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Me 5:

My sister is fanning me with palm leaves and feeding me... Pizza?!? Except she's making me BEG for it, haha.

Me 4:

Just when I start feeling pretty cool, my iPhone takes me down a peg... or two. Everytime I try to type my own name (Corissa Crowder) it replaces "Corissa" with the word "Corpses". Just now, for NO GOOD REASON, it replaced my name with the word "Viruses". Ouch.

Now that's just mean... or is my phone trying to tell me something? ;)

Now I just feel like Dwight from the American version of "The Office". I feel like my stuff's been put in jello... for the third time.

Confession 2:

After realizing the strange, eerie similarities between the songs by the band Mumford & Sons and my LIFE, not to mention my planned tattoo, I just want to hang out with those guys. I know almost nothing about them except their music, but knowing their songs is enough to know that they would be exceptionally cool dudes.

So... just now I went to their website and posted a link to my blog. Maybe they'll read, maybe not. Who knows? :) I sure don't. That much is OBVIOUS!

Captain Obvious: Everyone knew you were crazy already, you don't need to go ADVERTISING this stuff.

Me: Shut up, you...

Confession 1:

Right NOW, I want a proper kiss on the mouth from someone decent. So bad, that it's not even funny.

Seriously, someone give me THIS reason to stop smoking these nasty cigarettes. Because that is my substitute at the mo'.

Mumford & Sons

The Results of my Mumford & Sons-Themed Photoshoot:

Acorn 4:

Sometimes THIS is all you need...

Me 2:

My mom just offered me half a box of Godiva Chocolates, and I said, "No. I want to buy myself a full box". What's funny is that I can see so clearly that half a box of chocolates is WAY better than the whole thing, but I want the WHOLE THING. Enter another reference here about me not playing with a full deck of cards. But GUESS WHAT!?! I have TWO full decks of playing cards, and I carry them around in my "Big Bag of Crazy" purse... Just so I'm prepared if someone wants to challenge me to two card games at once, LOL! ;) You never know... Well, Forrest? What do you have to say?

Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of choc-o-lates. You never know... what you're gonna get."

Eve 2:

Eve: It is both literally and figuratively raining here in the Garden today, God. What is going on?

God: I have no idea... I didn't plan this. I had ANIMALS planned for today, so WTF?!?

Eve: But then again, I suppose it will help make these plants you put here grow...

Truth 3:

I COULD create order out of chaos in a day, even better than GOD himself, if only anyone in my life would trust me to do it.

But GUESS WHAT, guys? I'm a freaking VETERINARY student. We create order out of chaos EVERY FREAKING DAY like it's our DAMNED job. Oh, and the people at GSK? THOSE GUYS TOO! And THAT's why we all rock. ;) It's just the way we roll.

Acorn 1:

I love when you're so in tune with your body that water tastes AWESOME to you... that's how you know your body isn't just trying to fool itself.

Word of the Day 2: M&S

Mumford & Sons, I didn't give you your proper "Theme Day". That was a mistake. But then again, Uncle Bob Dylan DID have to come first, as the father of all modern songwriters. :)

Me 1:

Thank goodness today IS a day of rest, because my little sister is having a lot of trouble with that which I bought for myself so, so dearly. She just seems to think I didn't pay enough...

Word of the Day 1: ENVY.

Since it IS Sunday:

The Seven Deadly Sins, as found on Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins
As accessed on 09/25/2011 at 2:44pm, PST.

The 7 Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, is a classification of objectionable vices that have been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning fallen humanity's tendency to sin. The currently recognized version of the list is usually given as wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

Our sin for this Sunday will be ENVY. JEALOUSY. DESIRE FOR THAT WHICH YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS.

Eve 1:

Eve: People keep calling me coldly logical, and then saying that I'm snakey and manipulative, but sometimes, SOMEONE has to play the devil's advocate. Thank God that God is going to give me Sundays as a day of rest, because there is some SHIT going down in the evolving Garden-of-Eden.

Lilith, my dear... we have some things to discuss. And remember what The Police said, my dear. "The jealousy will drive [you] MAD!!!"

Truth 1:

I fell asleep while listening to this freakin' sweet (Napolean Dynamite-style!) TAPE RECORDER I bought today, which is so flippin' awesome that even SWEAR words don't provide enough emphasis. THAT'S how you know I'm serious.

My good friend Russ kept saying, "GET A TAPE RECORDER!" and I kept saying (as a joke) that I was meaning to get one, or had gotten one but hidden it from myself on accident, or misplaced it, or something... but I think what he REALLY meant was, "GET A TAPE RECORDER!" LOL. So I did, and GUESS WHAT?!? It's AWESOME! So thanks, Russ. I really DID need to hear all of the things you were saying to me.

If I hadn't have such an AWESOME support system in place, I really don't know if I could have made it through this alive. So, again, thanks... Without Dave Katagiri, Megan Andrews, Russ Casler, Morgan Gillette, Cord Brundage, Dawn Clagett and her super smokin'-hot girlfriend Kayla, and my mother and sister, etc... well, WHO KNOWS! :) So, you guys all ROCK my world, Michael Jackson style. (Who, by the way, I'm almost sure was just a very messed-up, lonely man.

GENESIS: Part 5

20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl [that] may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good.

22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

Eve 3:

Eve: Sometimes the moon is actually JUST AS MUCH or MORE BEAUTIFUL than the SUN.

Truth 8:

THIS GIRL has a lot of shit to set right with a LOT of awesome people. And I cannot WAIT to get started. So if you're reading this and I haven't contacted you, get ready for the RING RING! ;)

Truth 7:

People are so much like you, if you just give them a chance. I can't believe how few chances I've given and how much love I have recieved. You guys are my heart and soul right now. So let's get together and play heart and soul! I rock at that song... on the piano, too! :D Even if it annoys everyone else to see how damned happy we are together.

Acorn 3:

I just realized that I am NOT "TOO MUCH" for anyone to handle, just too much for anyone but THE RIGHT people to handle. LOL! I'm like a thistle... there are only certain people who can pick thistles without getting a HUGE rash. These people have a special enzyme in the skin of their hands. :)

Truth 6:

I'm not running scared anymore. I have all of you to save me from the little African pygmy dude with a sharp pointy stick, who has been chasing me for over a MONTH. *wink*

Truth 5:

I took these pictures last night, and din't realize until now that I STILL looked like I was running scared... funny how I have to look at myself to LOOK at MYSELF.

Truth 4:

Cord Brundage is my favorite person on the planet right now.

Truth 3:

Just now, my little sister Laura made me listen to a song that made me cry for the FIRST time about what happened between Jason and I. It was the ultimate truth in her words that made me cry and cry... but the tears were like rain, and like rain, they brought relief.
I can't believe I never blamed him at all for what happened. I think I still blamed myself. Until now. Music this powerful has to be shared, and the video is just the heart-achingly beautiful icing on the cake. The sprinkles on the sugar cookie, if you will.

"Jar of Hearts" - Christina Perri


Musicians: Explaining your life so you don't have to, since the beginning of time.

Confession 17:

I am playing my sister at Wii Table Tenis right now, and I SUCK!!! But I totally don't mind losing over and over, it's so much fun to PLAY! *wink*

Truth 2:

I was in a loveless relationship for 3 1/2 years out of a 5 1/2 year relationship. I thought I was ugly, inside and out.

Truth 1:

I feel so loved right now it's not even funny.

Confession 17:

I have complete self-respect... and I will NOT disrespect my blog, because IT is a piece of ME. If you guys hadn't figured that out already... *wink wink nudge nudge* Like you, too, are PIECES OF ME! :D

Dr. Sparklepants G. McGee: Why do I always have to be the "voice of reason", here!?! Uncle Bob would be vastly displeased by your sunny disposition, you wayward girl, you...

Me: Yes, but he is STILL a Gemini, STILL a twin... even if he THINKS he's a loner. And WE. We are his twins. II

Confession #(are we on)16:

Phew, this is quite a lot of sinning for a Saturday evening...

Dark Spider-Man? I'm going to rock MORE than your socks... off.

Bwahahaha!

Acorn 2:

I think THAT was my confusion... I was thinking I SHOULD be stalked right now, instead of the other way around?!? How Back-Assward is that?!? LOL!

So, instead of arguing about it, I said, "FINE! You think I'm a stalker? Then I'LL GET THE HELL AWAY FROM YOU!" Wild horses couldn't drag me back THERE, dude! BUT, they CAN drag me AWAY! ;) Sorry, Rolling Stones. Not true in my case... *wink*

A BIG FUCKING ACORN:

I went from being a stalker to worried about possibly being stalked by dark people/persons unknown in ONE FLIPPIN' DAY. Not too shabby, eh? But then again, the overacheiver side of me is SO unimpressed!

Dr. Sparklepants G. McGee: *Yawn*. Wake me when something exciting happens.

Eve 2:

Eve was so drunk with her success in the blossoming world that she let Lilith convince her to take HALF-NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF AND POST THEM ON THE INTERNET. Eve decided she wasn't quite sure of Lilith anymore, but Lilith said, "I'll show mine first, so it's not a big deal." But then again, Lilith is a snakey little bitch. In a good way. :)

Eve: But Lilith, why don't we JUST show our pretty bits? Then, we can save our true beauty for THE RIGHT GUY! Although, from what I hear about this Adam guy who's supposed to show up any day now, he's kinda a tool.

Lilith: 'Cause that's just how I role, biatch.

Eve: You're kind of mean...

*wink*

Me: Bob and I, hanging out. This picture is WAY COOLER, ANYWAY!!!! :D

Doo dat doo! (Telephone "error" beeps):

Shhhhh... my ass SPEAKETH!:

??2(?&???2?MG??sP? ???r?;Lo????H??"?TPz? ??dv Tv??g4 DG?A?"3HM>?Sd
J??A' D}??I' ?t A?`? ?nw 4G???

Bob Dylan

Sitting outside the Tattoo parlour waiting on my art...

From outside "Dr. Julian's Black Lotus Tattoo"...

To see my complete set of Bob Dylan shots for the day, just click the following link to my Flikr account:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fruitofthetreeofknowledge/sets/72157627754108890/

Whaddya say, M&S?

Mumford & Sons, sources say what?

"Sigh No More"... the FIRST song on their amazing album titled "Sigh No More"!

Man, those dudes just know how to do things well and PROPERLY! :D

Confession #15:

I'd LOVE to interview Mumford & Sons for my blog!!! Wonder how hard those guys are to get ahold of? Perhaps I can use my experience as a stalker?!? I DO have some experince, after all... *massive wink*

(This feels like applying for work at "S.O.S. Temp Agency" in Fort Collins...)

Confession #14:

I can't decide if I want to be a PIMP, or a mother-flipin'* 20's GANGSTER right now... HAHAHA!

Confession #13:

The DEVIL is MAKING ME DO THIS!!! Or, is it just Lilith, you hot, snakey little bitch...?

Confession #12:

The only thing I fear is FEAR ITSELF! WOW!!! I never, ever undertstood that before.

Confession #11:

I'm walking around my backyard in black underwear letting my belly hang out like Homer Simpson's right now! Gaaahhhh.. "The Simpsons"! I love that show. What a roll-model that man is... *wink*

Confession #10:

You see, THIS is why I'm so happy right now! It's like someone slipped "Felix Felices" into my morning pumpkin juice while I was looking the other way, waiting for an owl to deliver the "Daily Prophet". Hermione saw it coming, though! *wink*

Lindsay? What do you think of my blog? ;)

Confession $9:

I'm a PIMP now, so I gotta worry about makin' it rain on TOP of everything else! ;D Hence the dollar sign, LOL!

People are FINALLY worried about how I'm doing, now that I'm doing fine! HAHA! What's great is that I TOTALLY don't blame any of you, because I was HIDING THAT SHIT. I was like a sick kitty, eh, Future Veterinarians of America?!? The VSA? (VSA does NOT stand for "Freaky Venereal Affliction", JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING! ;)

GIRLS, SHOW ME YER BOOBS.

I'll show you MINE if you show me YOURS... LOL!

(This is acceptable, not like those gurls that post pictures of themselves in thongs on myspeace, because GUESS WHAT?!? I'M STILL DRESSED AS UNCLE BOB "Freakin'" DYLAN! Oh, AND I have my reading/"therepist" glasses on... *grin* Self-indulgence, here I come!)

[PICTURE DELETED]

Never mind, I'm saving THAT photo for someone special... ;) Who? No idea! LOL! Just someone SPECIAL. Well, that's what LILITH is for. Literally, her purpose here is to be the actual SNAKE IN THE PRE-GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Oh, and then there too, before she gets kicked out for wanting to be on top during sex... BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY!


Lilith: Sure, whatever... I'll show my boobs. I'm a little wasted anyhow, so LETS DO THIS BITCH! WHOOOOOOO!!!

From my new BEST friend Nusharin Lapakulchai, who, in addition to being AMAZING also confirms my worst suspicions about my STUPID ideas ;). It turns out, I AM an idiot sometimes! Huh. Who knew? You guys, maybe, but NOT ME! LOL.

She gave me Shane from "The 'L' Word". That is SO freaking clever I just want to SQUEEZE her FACE off. So, so Bob-Freakin'-Dylan:

Confession #8:

I am literally a PIMP right now!!!! LOL!!!

I am feeling some FIDDY like never before... but ONLY with the mother flippin' Snoop to the double-G, AND G-Unit. THAT makes 50 cent... okay. ;)

50 Cent - P.I.M.P. (Snoop Dogg Remix) ft. Snoop Dogg, G-Unit


Except... instead of a P.I.M.P., I'm a S.H.R.I.M.P. ;D LOLOL!

Confession #7:

I feel like I'm holding the world in the palm of my hand right now. I'm going to try to resist and evil scientist laugh, because that might make people nervous... ;)



William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."

I love how this is called an "Augurie of Innocence", as MINE is an "Ode to Knowledge". *big smile*

Confession #6 (I think?!?):

I'M NOT A STALKER! I was just suffering from a BAD, BAD case of over-enthusiasm! So, sorry about that, dark Spider-Man.

Confession #6:

NOW is the time for me to point to the one-night stand I had last week with the most AWESOME FREAKIN' DUDE (Nice Joe, you know who you are! Not an "average joe"... LOL!), stand back, and LOOK SMUG. (;) Joe, you lookin' smug? 'Cause I SURE AS HELL AM! ;)

((Sorry Uncle Bob, didn't mean to use a winky faces but couldn't NOT))

Confession #5:

Come on, SOMEBODY set some new standards for me!?!? 'Cause this girl has VERY FEW of those, AS IT TURNS OUT! LOL! ;)

I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

(on Facebook)
Corissa Crowder:
I am LITERALLY about to set up the "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" with the "SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE"... for a three-night stand. ;D Oh my god, "I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE" (Billy Madison-style)
LikeUnlike · · about a minute ago near Eugene, OR

Confession #4:

The most AWESOME thing about talking with my NEW BEST FRIEND Jolene just now? I tried so hard to record the whole conversation just now, but my iphone recorder totally crapped out on me, and my video camera mostly crapped out on me, and I DON'T CARE!!! BECAUSE THAT GIRL IS LIKE MY FEMALE COUNTERPART! Cause I'm kind of a dude? I dunno. This is hilarious.

Confession #3:

I think I'm becoming a pretty good ACTOR, LOL! From people telling me not to be happy... so I'm like, I'M DARK AND TORTURED!!! *wink*

Confession #2:

I want to call people and be, like, WHY WERE YOU MEAN TO ME IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!?! Haha!

Interview:

For some reason, I just put on the $40.00 black Victoria's Secret Angels bra (appropriate much?) that my sister gave me because my boobs are smaller than hers (YAY!), and some cute undies. And what am I off to do? Why, interview Jolene about how she got so sexy, of course! *wink* What ESLE would I be going off to do...?!? *walks away muttering*

I can't tell if "I'm the SMARTEST man alive!" Billy Madison style, or Billy Madison style, if I am actually dumb and just THINK I'm smart. Hmmm... conundrums. Gonna think my way out of the box with DESCARTES (scattered applause). "I think, therefore, I am [not an idiot]"!

Confession 1:

= I think it's time to start confessing! *wink*

I'm gonna do this Neko Case Style, like "Fox Confessor Brings the Flood" since she is AWESOME. Oh, wait... and perfect! Hang on.

I can't believe this. TOO funnny:

It's like me! And all of you are my little FOXES! Rawr! *wink*

Acorn 1:

This darkness is for entertainment purposes only, okay kids? *smile AND wink*

The Bohemian Revolution:

For all my lovers...

Have a bad day at school? Tough classes or a brutal exam? Have a painting that isn't going well? Write it here. I'll listen...

The Stars 3:

I am too much made of light right now. I need to borrow someone else's darkness... *wink wink nudge nudge*

The Stars 2:

Friedrich Nietzsche:

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

I like what I see.

The Stars 1:

The Stars are talking back to me...



"Sleep Tonight" by The Stars.



Lyrics in description.

This is bigger than ALL of us. But "when there is nothing left to burn, you have to set YOURSELF on FIRE".

This song makes me want to dance again.

AND NOW, I am a liar...

I said I'd sleep, but am taking a leaf out of Serafina Pekkala's book, a.k.a. the witch queen from a tribe in Inari, Findland, who first appears in the "The Golden Compass" trilogy in the FIRST book, "Northern Lights", and appears throughout the work until the last book, "The Amber Spyglass". This is an absolutely beautiful trilogy of supposed-CHILDREN'S books, which I MUST remember to reference again in the very near future... someone remind me.

Lyra, the main character, asks why she herself must remain bundled up in clothes and animal skins while serafina may ride alongside their balloon in nothing but tattered black silk.
Serafina replies that witches like to feel the star-light on their skin, but that it would kill anyone else who tried to do the same and was not a witch.

I can be SUCH a witch sometimes...


I can be SUCH a witch sometimes...

Me 3:

Sorry 'bout the change in scenery. Uncle Bob, you know... The wheat fields are still there, it's just dark outside. With a MILLION stars out, AND a crescent moon. *smile*

Bob Dylan

American Musician, born May 24th, 1941.

Star sign = Gemini. The Twins.











On Bob Dylan's BirthDay, in History: 2011. The Tokyo Electric Power Company claims three Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant reactors partially melted down during the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami. = "My bad. Didn't plan ahead." *wink*

IMDb: The Internet Movie Database:
I'm Not There. (2007)

Arthur (played by Ben Whishaw):
"I accept chaos. I don't know whether it accepts me."


And again, one more time:

Me 1:

If you can't stay up watch the STARS rise, let alone the moon, then how are you supposed to smell the roses?

Today (tomorrow) is going to be a Bob Dylan kind of day. I can just SMELL it. So. We're gonna have to cut off those winky faces for a bit, because Uncle Bob would NOT approve. Even though he doesn't yet have a grave, he'd be rolling in it.

Time to prepare...

Eve 1:

Eve: Wow.

God: I know, right?

GENESIS: Part 4

14: And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
15: And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
16: And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
17: And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
18: And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
19: And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

Problem 1:

There will be only one of these, for I have only one problem. No one can handle me right now, because I simply have WAY too much love to give to one person right now. Try, like 1,000,000 people. :)

Then we can share, and share alike. *) = Goodnight, my loves!

Me 6:

I just love a CHALLENGE right now. ;) ;) ;)

Heh heh... get it?!?!?

God 4:

And then, on the evening of the fourth day, God created lesbians. And God saw that they were VERY good. ;)

My super hot friends Dawn and Kayla at THEIR super hot Lesbian Luau. That even SOUNDS hot!!! *wink wink* Those girls throw the BEST theme parties. It's because ONLY GIRLS UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE MATCHY-MATCHY! LOL!

My purpose... here.

I am trying to take snapshots of myself, so I can "grow up". Right now, I am feeling about my age, 27, but I want to be Confucious before I leave this place. :)

Knock knock. Whose there? Confucious say what?
This blog is like a knock knock joke with NO punchline... so far! Just STAY TUNED, because it's about to get interesting.

Oh, and ANOTHER thing....

(talking with Megan-freakin'-Andrews and ORGANIZING this shit... WOW. I thought I could rule the world, but SHE could rule the universe. Teach me.)

I am NOT making fun of the bible! I love the bible! I mean, it IS "The Good Book", right?!?!? It's really interesting, and it makes you think. So THAT'S what I'm doing. Thinking about the bible, AND having fun doing it. Because that's just how I roll. :)

Thank you, Megan. *) = Goodnight

SMOKING.

Just in case my sarcasm has gone over a few heads, and in case anyone doubts my true feelings on the matter:

SMOKING IS A FILTHY, DISGUSTING HABIT!!! DON'T DO IT!!! NOT EVEN A LITTLE!!! BECAUSE, KIDS, THAT is how you get ADDICTED! I got addicted to them because I locked myself in the loony bin and they wouldn't let me go OUTSIDE unless I smoked a CIGARETTE!

And then, 3-4 days later, after I had gotten addicted to the RITUAL, they started letting people outside for the FIRST TIME EVER just to sit, and not to smoke. *groan*

But still, no matter WHAT, DON'T FUCKING DO IT. AND I WILL SWEAR SO THAT YOU KNOW I AM SERIOUS!
-Written in the style of O-Ren Ishii from Kill Bill

(Now I am out-of-breath and hoarse from all that yelling. Time for a cigarette? NO! Time for a glass of chocolate milk instead. BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO QUIT THIS SHIT!)

God 3:

God: GAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Lilith 1:

Lilith: I am a hot Irish biatch. Don't know when I was created, don't care. Most people say God made me on the fifth day, but that's bullshit. I was here WAY before that. And guess what, fuckers? YOU WEREN'T THERE!!! ;)

Painting of Lilith by John Collier, 1892.

Eve 2:

After Eve decided to embrace her own darkness, she painted her nails black! And then decided to listen to The Rolling Stones "Paint it Black"! Which she knew, because she'd been to a fucking STONES concert. And then she decided to put on a hot black bra and some very modest black underpants, and go walking around in the Garden of Eden, which was developing all around her. She said, if there is darkness in the world, I will wear it on the OUTSIDE so that people take me seriously. BUT, I will also wear blue glitter eyeshadow, so I look HOT and DARK!
Eve got all dolled up, and then she and her friend Lilith decided to go skinny-dipping in the water God had just made for her. And here we shall leave them, and just have to make our own assumptions about what happened next. ;)

Me 5:

On Facebook yesterday, calling out my REAL FRIENDS!

Corissa Crowder: If any of ya'll ever liked me, you'll read my blog... AND log into it so that I know who you are! :)
http://fruitofthetreeofknowled​ge.blogspot.com/

Corissa Crowder: I'm posting it AGAIN for EMPHASIS! I promise it's NOT what you think. No matter WHAT you're thinking! ;)
http://fruitofthetreeofknowled​ge.blogspot.com/ — at My parents house (a.k.a. the Garden of Eden) in Paradise (Eugene, OR).
Like · · Tag Friends · Yesterday at 4:36pm

Jolene Kristovich: ok sweetie, I promise I'm not thinking anything
Yesterday at 4:53pm · Like.

Corissa Crowder: Oh my god, Jolene, I love you so much. You are fantastic. ;)
16 hours ago · Like.

Corissa Crowder: You were the one that was like, "Um, is everything okay?!?" When I was like "i BRoke my BRAIn!"
16 hours ago · Like.

Corissa Crowder: No, it WASN'T!!! BUT, it is NOW.
16 hours ago · Like.

Jolene Kristovich: I'm glad everything is ok now. I hope you're doing good. I'm better now then I've been for years. Just had to lose that 200lbs. ha ha.

(AHHH!! I GOT that JUST now, Jolene. You fucking rock.)

Acorn 3:

I just realized that I need GOOD JASON to read my blog. Because when I asked this fucking awesome guy when I FIRST met him what his hobbies were, and he said, with a PERFECTLY straight face, "Zombies." Well, dude, I need a FUCKING ZOMBIE KILLER, RIGHT NOW!!! ;)

God 1:

"Take a Look at My Enormous Penis!" by DaVinci's Notebook.



Wow, just found that HILARIOUS stick-figure cartoon set to the song. This should be an acorn, too. But I won't take the title away from God. :) He deserves this moment for himself.

Me 4:

I just offered to let you in, and you slammed the door in my face!!! The door to my own AWESOME apartment! And then served ME with a fake restraining order. That shall not stand. ;)

Only when I've built up JUST AS MANY walls against you (and yes, you KNOW who you are) as you have against ME, shall we meet again. So, cute boys, who is still available? And if you're reading this, then THIS MEANS YOU! Hehe. ;)
(You and I Will Meet Again" - Tom Petty)

Dr. Sparklepants #1:

From Monty Python's "Life of Brian", as accessed from "Three Excerpts from Monty Python's Life of Brian"
http://www.westmont.edu/~fisk/Articles/MontyPython.htm
on 9/23/2011 at 5:21pm


FALSE PROPHET: ...And, a nine-bladed sword, which he shall strike...

BLOOD & THUNDER PROPHET: ...Time when we all come together, and go...

PROPHET IN WHITE: ...And holes for the...

PROPHET IN BLACK: ...Jumbo jets...

PROPHET IN WHITE: ...every bitch how you got germs from...

PROPHET IN BLACK: ...fly up near the...

BRIAN: Don't you, eh, pass judgment on other people, or you might get judged yourself.

COLIN: What?



BRIAN: I said, 'Don't pass judgment on other people, or else you might get judged, too.'

COLIN: Who, me?

BRIAN: Yes.

COLIN: Oh. Ooh. Thank you very much.

BRIAN: Well, not just you. All of you.

DENNIS: That's a nice gourd.

BRIAN: What?

DENNIS: How much do you want for the gourd?

BRIAN: I don't. You can have it.

DENNIS: Have it?

BRIAN: Yes. Consider the lilies...

DENNIS: Eh, d-- d-- don't you want to haggle?

BRIAN: No. ...in the field.

DENNIS: What's wrong with it, then?

BRIAN: Nothing. Take it.

ELSIE: Consider the lilies?

BRIAN: Uh, well, the birds, then.

EDDIE: What birds?

BRIAN: Any birds.

EDDIE: Why?

BRIAN: Well, have they got jobs?

ARTHUR: Who?

BRIAN: The birds.

EDDIE: Have the birds got jobs?!

FRANK: What's the matter with him?

ARTHUR: He says the birds are scrounging.

BRIAN: Oh, uhh, no, the point is the birds. They do all right. Don't they?

FRANK: Well, good luck to 'em.

EDDIE: Yeah. They're very pretty.

BRIAN: Okay, and you're much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?

EDDIE: I'm worrying about what you have got against birds.

BRIAN: I haven't got anything against the birds. Consider the lilies.

ARTHUR: He's having a go at the flowers now.

EDDIE: Oh, give the flowers a chance.

DENNIS: I'll give you one for it.

BRIAN: It's yours.

DENNIS: Two, then.

BRIAN: Ohh. Look. There was this man, and he had two servants.

ARTHUR: What were they called?

BRIAN: What?

ARTHUR: What were their names?

BRIAN: I don't know. And he gave them some talents.

EDDIE: You don't know?!

BRIAN: Well, it doesn't matter!

ARTHUR: He doesn't know what they were called!

BRIAN: Oh, they were called 'Simon' and 'Adrian'. Now--

ARTHUR: Oh! You said you didn't know!

BRIAN: It really doesn't matter. The point is there were these two servants--

ARTHUR: He's making it up as he goes along.

BRIAN: No, I'm not! ...And he gave them some ta-- Wait a minute. Were there three?

ARTHUR: Ohh.

EDDIE: Oh, he's terrible!

ARTHUR: He's terrible.

BRIAN: There were three.

ARTHUR: Thpppt!

BRIAN: They were-- they were st-- stewards, really.

ELSIE: Aww, get off!

BRIAN: Ooh! Eh, uh, b-- b-- now-- now hear this! Blessed are they...

DENNIS: Three.

BRIAN: ...who convert their neighbour's ox, for they shall inhibit their girth,...

MAN: Rubbish!

1000 Words 1:

A picture is STILL worth 1000 words. Even if the pen is mightier than the sword, I STILL NEED A SWORD, TOO! ;) Thanks Athena, the greek goddess of WISDOM and BATTLE. Sometimes, when a girl has a MILLION words, she just needs about 1000 pictures. :)

Acorn 2:

I want to go to the library and borrow some books.

Mumford & Sons

I love the band mumford & sons and THEY love ME. Their songs SAY so... and I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS!!!

See Adam Sanford in the SNL short: "We like sports, and we don't CARE who knows!"

Yesterday, when I needed them most of all, was the day when, in 1921, BAND-AIDs were created. Earle Dickson, a cotton-buyer for Johnson & Johnson, invented them to SAVE HIS WIVE'S fingers, as she kept accidentally cutting herself in the fingers while she prepared his dinners. Earle Dickinson, I SALUTE YOU! Shwing!

Yesterday, I really needed some BAND-AID, and I remembered M&S. Today, I need to GIVE out some BAND-AIDs! :D